Saturday, June 29, 2013

Key Community: How My Mother Found My Grandpa

Back when I was in middle school, I had a school assignment to tell a story about one of my ancestors. My Mom and Dad didn't know much about our past, so they really couldn't tell me a whole lot. Seeing me walk away with a bit of a disappointed look must have sparked the desire to find out where we came from, because within a year of that assignment, they had become family tree researching MACHINES. They had family tree software everywhere, folders filled with printed out documents laying around, a contact book with names of people I had never heard of, and "How-To" guides on researching through old records. Our family computer area was covered in these things all the way up until I graduated high school. My dad uncovered family members as far back as the early 1800's, and my mom found so many VERY inspiring stories about the men and women we come from. I won't go into those because there were so many that I am proud of. My favorite story however, is the one she uncovered about Joseph Lane.

My Mom and Aunt had always been told that their father had left them (not wanting anything to do with them,) and was later killed. Simple as that, no questions asked, no details. They accepted that. While my mom was looking back into records, she had hit a bump when she was looking for her father's death certificate (this was after my Grandmother had passed away.) She was able to locate a cousin however, who was also doing some serious genealogy. When she met with her cousin for the first time, and asked about Joe Lane, she got the shock of a lifetime! Not only had he NOT died... but she had his number, and he was living in California. 

It took my mom a while before she came to the decision to call him. She talked with my Aunt about it, talked with us about it, and then decided she wanted to meet him. I was in high school at the time, and didn't fully realize how important this was for my Mom. Maybe she didn't realize at first either. After what I remember was a very LONG conversation, she announced that we were going down to California to meet him. Not only had he been looking for her and my Aunt, he was also not the one who left all those years ago. He and my Grandmother were struggling to make a living with a newborn, and a two year old. My Grandma was working whatever jobs she could, and my Grandpa was trying to get acting gigs. Tired of being trapped in a life she didn't want, my Grandmother left one night, and took her kids back to her hometown in Washington. My Grandpa never saw them again. 

When my Mom heard his side of the story, it was like a weight was lifted off her shoulders. I saw first hand how she had been holding in this feeling of resentment, or rejection, that I had never known about. Maybe she didn't fully know about it either... or had just accepted it over the years. The California trip where I met my Grandfather for the first time, was also a trip where I got to see into my Mother's soul a little bit. She is a very guarded woman, always keeping her emotions hidden so she can focus on everyone else. Seeing the effect this moment had on her was priceless. Absolutely priceless. Then learning about a Grandfather I thought I didn't have, was also wonderful! Turns out he was an actor, a director, a writer, a builder, a train engineer, an artist, and so many other things. He had so many talents, and so many stories, it was a pleasure to have been able to meet him before he passed away. After he passed, Mom and I were able to spread his ashes, something I know she never thought she would do. I hold those memories close to my heart, and thank the universe that my Mom was able to meet her father. 

Mom uncovered many family stories from the Civil War, Native American history, Pioneering days, but this story is by far my favorite. Thank you for the chance to share it. 

Submitted by: Angelique

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